A domestic cat has spoken out today about a recurring nightmare in which he has to work like a dog.
Mr Socks, a seven year old neutered tabby from Wolverhampton, spoke to LCD Views’ moment of light relief correspondent to describe the horror that visits nightly.
“It’s getting to the point where I’m afraid to go to sleep for more than sixteen hours a day,” Mr Socks said.
“It’s normally hour sixteen or seventeen when the nightmare hits.”
Mr Socks goes on to explain that in the dream he suddenly finds himself living the life of the other family pet, Ruff, a five year old Labrador.
“It’s appalling. It’s never ending. Ruff fetch this. Ruff fetch that. Ruff get off the bed. Ruff get off the sofa. How could anyone live like a dog?”
Exacerbating the horror of the dream is the lack of an indoor toilet.
“It’s barbaric. In the dream I no longer have a staffed indoor toilet but have to go outside like an animal.”
We put to Mr Socks that modern domestic cats were descendants of working animals kept as mousers.
“I bet you think the earth is flat too? Don’t you?” Mr Socks scoffed.
“I’ve seen enough television from my maid’s lap to know that in the ancient world cats were revered and ruled as Gods, commanding giant temples and pyramids to be built in their honour.”
So why has he decided to speak out today?
“I want to raise awareness of my condition, embarrassing though it is, and encourage other cats to come forward. Maybe together we can work to find a treatment.”
The other cats said they’ll let him know once they’ve finished another five hour nap.