The titanic ship HMS Global Britain has been launched amid a fanfare of polarised opinion. Naysayers have complained bitterly about the blatant lack of lifeboats and other safety features. Supporters don’t care, and just want her to sail as soon as possible.
HMS Global Britain is owned by the Brown Nose Line. It was conceived as a result of negotiations between the head Brown Noser, Mr Farage, and the Australian multi-billionaire, Mr Murdoch. Constructed in secret and in great haste, maritime insurance company DUP of London has been heavily bribed to declare her seaworthy.
Unsurprisingly, the dissent has not subsided. Maritime experts from across the British Isles, and beyond, have repeatedly warned that sailing a shoddily-built tub completely lacking safety features is a recipe for disaster.
The First Lord of the Admiralty, Mr Gove, has dismissed the so-called experts. In bold fashion, he states, ”Unlike these unelected minions, I have a powerful mandate. Therefore I speak with the authority of the people.”
Without wishing to linger upon the identity of Mr Gove’s powerful mandate (rumoured to be a certain Mr Johnson), the matter seems to be resolved. HMS Global Britain will sail on 29 March, 2019, whether fully fitted out or not.
The rich and greedy have rushed to buy tickets for her maiden voyage to the brave new world. Anyone refusing to clamour for tickets has been branded a traitor and a saboteur by Mr Murdoch’s camp.
With tickets priced at up to £80,000 each (at 2017 values), a black market has opened up for people resorting to desperate measures to raise funds. Tales of organs, and even limbs, being sold are circulating. The most desirable suites cost an arm and a leg.
The captain, Mrs May, has been warned of inclement conditions at sea in March. If you steer too far to the right, she has been told, you run the risk of running into an iceberg and sinking without trace.