Great news for the UK’s top popcorn promoter this morning as former Secretary of State for international Development, Priti Patel, is rumoured to have accepted a role pushing popcorn into the hands of everyone with a smart phone.
“We’re really buzzing here,” head of sales B. Burning Maize told LCD Views.
We met B.B. in a tacky little basement cinema in Soho and spoke as the endless pre-movie adverts played out on the big screen.
“See that rip in the screen too right corner?” B.B. asked.
We did.
“That wasn’t there yesterday. I sold my first bag of popcorn here when I was still in high school, during the cash for questions scandal.”
Nowadays Burning Maize is the top U.K. wide seller of popcorn.
“Stories like Ms Patel on “unofficial” business meeting with a foreign power attempting to arrange to divert British taxpayer money to their military? Holy cow! Grab your popcorn.”
B.B. was a little worried initially that the mainstream media’s willingness to just parrot official government statements may dampen sales, but now that he’s convinced Ms Patel to work in marketing at Burning Maize, his fears are allayed.
“She’s not going to be out front promoting the brand for long. I see her mostly in the strategic planning department designing shock marketing events around a steady drip of revelations relating to why she had to resign. There’s millions of bursting kernels of corn in this.”
Grab your popcorn then?
“That’s the way! This movie is going to have sequels in production even before we’ve finished watching the first installment.”
And with that we settled down to watch the screening of “The Great Escape”.
“This is a classic! Although it doesn’t end well for all the cast.”
We know B.B. By the time we get to the end we’ll realise we’ve seen it all before.