LCD Views has received exhilarating news this evening that Boris Johnson is to swim by Grimsby to reassure fishermen they can have their fish and eat them too.
Mr Johnson phoned LCD Views from his American working holiday to outline how he’s going to save the fishing fleets of Grimsby now they are realising Brexit is going to leave them up a creek without a paddle.
“I’d like the good, hard working, soul of Grimsby to know that I think Donald Trump is a wonder, a star, a blazing Orion and I will be laying the groundwork for a post Brexit Free Fish Trade Deal with the USA just as soon as I finish promising British layabouts will be airlifted to America to shine his gold lift while talking in Dick Van Dyke accents.”
Mr Johnson went on to make it clear that the fish being exported to America will be free and Grimsby will receive a lot of positive tweets in return that can only encourage their tourist industry.
“To help. To show. To feel my love. I will be swimming by Grimsby just as soon as I return from the mighty giant across the pond, where I’m looking for a future after Brexit crashes, and I’ll put on my trunks and swim by Grimsby fishing boats and wave desperately in Union Jack bathing shorts shouting for salvation.
You can have your fish Grimsby and you can eat them too. I’ll write it on a bloody bus if I have to! It maybe grim up north, but it will be worth it with me pushing your children into the sea for you and getting away scot free.”