The government is in danger of fresh accusations of ill judged use of public funds today after the revelation in LCD Views (we got it first!) that they have hired an additional eight thousand civil servants to cart about all the denial being created by people working on Brexit.
“It’s a health and safety issue really,” a spokes-droid for DExEU commented.
“You’ve got an ageing man like Mr Davis racing about here and there, he can’t be expected to personally carry the ever increasing burden of denial of the impact of Brexit on every vital sector of the UK’s economy and culture.
He’s going to pop a disc. Or at least strain something, a hamstring or whatever you call that tricky bugger down at your heel? The Trojanstring? Achilles! Achilles heel!”
The additional staff will begin work almost immediately after a short orientation course.
“All new staff have to wear blindfolds. It can take a bit of adjusting to. People tend to walk into walls a lot when they begin working for DExEU. But you soon get numb to the impact bruising.
Once they’ve got the hang of pretending everything is fine and ignoring the complete and absolute lack of any sensible guiding strategy, they’ll find carrying the bags of idiocy and denial Davis creates daily simple.”
Other measures under consideration by the government to speed up work on Brexit are the possibility of changing all the instructive door labels in the relevant government departments.
“You know when you see a “push” label on a door and you just stand there for ten minutes pulling at the door!” the spokes-droid added. “It’s really quite funny watching any minister working on Brexit trying to enter a building.”
It’s felt that by swapping the door labels to the reverse it will increase workflow through the entry to the building and may just subconsciously give them ideas about stopping this bullshit altogether.