The office of the prime minister has announced this evening that former defence secretary Michael Fallon is to be exported to Saudi Arabia with the next British shipment of high explosives.
“We are advising them to drop him on Yemen,” a source purporting to work in the ministry of defence told LCD Views.
“He’s done so much work for the region at large already, we really believe his totally sincere explosion of contrition over his past behaviour will go very far to pour oil on troubled waters.”
It’s not clear yet what response the Saudi government has given at the news of the gift.
“He was elected, warts and all, so they may not take too kindly to that. But on the other hand, his past behaviour probably places him right top of any list for promotion as advocate to a women’s rights group put together by the UN to make the Saudis look good. So they could use him that way.”
It’s thought Mr Fallon himself is a little surprised by the distance the prime minister wants to send him.
“Admittedly Michael Gove was reinstated in about twenty four hours, but then he has a friend in a high place, which may explain how quickly he was brought back from ostracism.”
It’s also felt that if the exportation of Mr Fallon is successful then it will pave the way for potentially dozens of other government ministers who may shortly be needing to remove themselves from the spotlight.
Labour are said to be watching closely in case dangerous and unsecured ordinance of their own needs getting rid of.
“We just hope this doesn’t lead eventually to the downfall of the government before we’ve had time to get our hands on those Henry VIII powers.
But with a weapon like Fallon, once he’s pulled the pin on himself, you’ve no real option but to pick him up and throw!”